“The Wolf of Wall Street,” or “Those Three Hours I’ll Never Get Back”

I’m finding it difficult to organize my thoughts about this movie. So I’m just going to make a list of talking points. I hope that makes it semi-coherent.

1.Expectations

Okay, so I knew up front that this movie was going to be raunchy and irreverent. I knew that it had broken the record for the most f-bombs ever dropped in a movie. I knew it was going to be sexually explicit. I’m fairly certain I saw it referred to as “douche porn” somewhere on the internet.

Yes, yes I did.

Despite all of this I was willing to give Martin Scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio the benefit of the doubt. I mean, Martin Scorsese, Leonardo DiCaprio. Should be promising, right? I saw The Departed and liked it a lot, so why not give this a shot?

2. Leonardo DiCaprio

So I’m not a huge Leo fan. I know that’s not the most popular stance to have, but whatever. That being said, I can still appreciate his work. Even with all of it’s negative reviews, Leo’s performance in The Great Gatsby last summer was my favorite experience watching him act. I loved his quiet longing. I loved how he played all of the layers of Gatsby with such subtlety and nuance. That scene in in Nick Carraway’s cottage the first time Gatsby is reunited with Daisy- so flawless 🙂

But that’s neither here nor there. We’re not talking about Gatsby. We’re talking about Jordan Belfort….unfortunately.

3. Cautionary tale?

According to Leo himself, after he read the book Jordan Belfort wrote about his experience on Wall Street, he said he just had to make it into a movie. It became something he was really passionate about.

I’m sorry, but I feel like this story is not something you should be passionate about. Call it a cautionary tale if you want, but it doesn’t really seem too groundbreaking to me. The concept feels old. Everybody knows that there’s a lot of corruption on Wall Street….duh. And everybody knows that people easily fall prey to their desire to have a lot of money. This consuming desire can destroy people. Also, duh.

Am I the only person who feels like this is a tale as old as time?

The main character, Jordan Belfort, is a money-hungry douche who cheats on both his wives, is addicted to drugs, and seemingly has ZERO redeeming qualities. I mean, he’s good at conning people out of their money.

But that’s not a redeeming quality.

I’m all about trying to find even the faintest glimmer of good in people, but seriously, this character is so unlikeable. I kept wanting to punch him through the screen.

4. Acting

Sure, Leo does act the part of Jordan Belfort well. I’ll give him that. But I don’t want this to be the role he ends up getting his first Oscar for. He can do better. Really and truly. I don’t think acting like a coked up man-whore is as hard as some of the other characters he has played.

5. A Few Redeeming Moments

All this being said, there were a few scenes that did have me laughing and leave me somewhat impressed.

Matthew McConaughey’s brief moments in this movie were hilarious. Chest pounding and chant-like humming -> very funny.

The scene in which Jordan Belfort is so doped up that it takes him like fifteen minutes to crawl down his front steps is also hysterical.

When Jordan decides he’s going to stay with his company even though he knows he’s about to get busted, he gives this very long speech, and it was very well-delivered and full of energy.

Lastly, Jean Dujardin as a Swiss banker = flawless.

How you can resist those devilishly good looks? C’est impossible!

6. Seriously, women, have some self-respect.

My last complaint about this movie is the sheer number of naked women that appear in it. I just don’t know how they found so many women who were willing to degrade themselves that much. I mean, I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised. But the fact that I shouldn’t be too surprised is problematic.

But a feminist rant about the exploitation of women’s bodies in film is a topic for another day.

I’m so done talking about this movie.

Ick.